Fixtures & Results
BUCKMINSTER CC - Sunday 4th July 2010
Match report by Jeremy Flight
I arrived fashionably late in the scenic environs of Buckminster, having been rather alarmed, an hour and twenty minutes ago, to see “1-hour 20-mins” flash up on the sat nav after I'd tapped in today's destination. I was running late anyway but was now in serious danger of missing tea.
Kathy Lette once described cricket thus: “Basically, it's just a whole bunch of blokes standing around scratching themselves”. Kathy Lette is a feminist, which ain't good, and Australian, which is far worse and as I lugged my bag across the outfield towards the pavilion, I saw a whole bunch of Dorchester blokes sitting down scratching themselves and realised just how wrong she was.
We were 50-odd for 1 at this point. Blakey was the man out for 23, meaning that Paul and Crossy were in. Several things were immediately apparent:
- I hadn't missed tea.
- Crossy was doing his best to swipe everything over the legside boundary, which was significantly closer to the cut strip than that on the offside.
- Several swipes didn't connect properly / at all, due in large part to the unpredictable bounce emanating from the straw-coloured strip, which itself was surrounded by a straw-coloured outfield comprised mostly of long, dry, dead grass. Straw, that is. They hadn't seen too much rain down here in the last few weeks.
The innings proceeded in similar vein: the wicket often out-doing the incumbant Dorchester batter on account of the assortment of popping bounce, vicious sideways movement or shooting low grubbiness.
All in all, we made a reasonable fist of it, Crossy top scoring with 38, Ady and Paul adding 26 and 21 respectively and Bradders, Brown Dawg Minor and m'good self nurdling a few at the end to bring our innings total to 176 – 6 off 40-overs. Note the helpful addition of 20 byes in that total, due to the aforementioned vicious popping shooting grubber bounce and the fact that their keeper seemed awesome at taking balls on off stump and pretty piss poor with anything down leg.
Tea was taken without hesitation and what a marvellous effort that was. The cake end of the table was quite rightly more populated than the sandwich end and cups of tea, served in mugs of assorted sizes, that rather hit the spot.
Buckminster had a dusty old transistor radio circa 1976 talking away to itself in the corner and the general scene was of twenty-odd well-plated blokes lounging around (some scratching, some not) in no particular hurry to do anything. Splendid.
All good things come to an end and in the changing room before the resumption, we discussed the finer tactical points of our bowling strategy. The word “straight”got plenty of air time. One or two looked around quizzically, wondering what it meant. I ventured that the wicket was ideally suited to Mїk Vicårssön, our infamous Danish bowler playing for Dorchester on a Kolpac, but sadly conspicuous by his absence today. Trainee dobbler Brown Dog Major, along with seasoned veterans Bennett and Smith, would have to shoulder the burden of responsibility.
2nd over in and their opener larrups one for four back over Benno's head. In Benno's next over, he does it twice more. And Benno says “Shot!” to him on both occasions! I think he's going soft. Now, if it'd been a chirpy 15-year old...
The Buckmeister, as he shall henceforth be known, dominated their innings with an entertaining knock of 86, comprised almost entirely of boundaries and shots that would have been boundaries had he not picked out one of our fielders. The delicate late cut and Bradley's “Dilshan” don't appear part of his shot-making repertoire just yet. “Stand up and hit the bugger” more accurately reflects his approach. And fair play, he knew his own game and played it well.
Not something that could be said of matey boy at t'other end, who'd joined the Buckmeister after Benno had lured numbers 2 and 3 into mis-hitting balls out to Brown Dawg the Elder, patrolling the long off territory, where he took two solid catches.
His innings of 29 included more chips than you get at a Harry Ramsdens' Bumper Buffet Night and was either the:
- flukiest display of poorly timed shots ever seen
- most skilful exhibition of subtle placement even seen
Without exception, balls lobbed lazily to all parts, missing fielders by 5-yards here or a few feet there. Sheer self-respect would have caused better men to stand on their own stumps after reaching 15 or so but no, on he went, until Blakey, fielding in the covers, put him out of his misery with a canon that knocked back middle stump. Run out, but with the score on 152 and still 7-overs to go, it was too late.
When we trooped off the field a little later and shook hands with the opposition, he simply said to me, in a rather meek voice, “Sorry!”. Which rather sums it up.
A little earlier in the piece, as their run rate got further ahead of what was required, Paul had turned to Spenno for what he described as an “experimental” over. Spenno duly experimented with some loopy off-tweakers, which went well enough other than the two 4's their opener spanked into the hedge behind the short boundary. Well bowled, Spenno. Have a break, son.
There was still time for us to collect a few wickets though, the Buckmeister finally lobbing one to Bradders off Kev's bowling and Blakey claiming a “proper” dismissal, their number 6 caught behind first ball. Spenno came back for a second spell as well, which was only fair.
Bradders catch warrants mention given his earlier attempt to claim one at slip, which involved four limbs being thrust towards all points of the compass, whilst in mid-air. He never looked close to catching it from where I stood at mid-off, although I heard later that he had “thumbed” it on its way past, but it was tremendous entertainment for the casual onlooker.
Mention should also go to Brown Dawg Junior who looked the most threatening with the ball and, on one occasion, got one to rear up off a length like a frightened horse, which their number 4 tried to chip in between two fielders, missed, and Ady wore it on the chest. That aside, Ady's display was near impeccable in non-friendly keeping conditions.
But the Buckmeister had basically won it for Buckminster and, with the help of their number 5 who played a pleasant innings of 17 to see them home, they reached 177 in the 36th over, for the loss of 5-wickets.
Next week's bureau lucky dip was quickly pooh-poohed in favour of watching the footie World Cup final and so our next fixture is in about 4-weeks' time.
Highlights:
DCC
Total 176 – 6
I Cross 38 (6 x 4's, 1 x 6)
A Cooper 26 (2 x 4's)
D Blake 23 (4 x 4's)
Buckminster CC
Total 177 – 5
S Bennett 7 overs, 2 for 36
K Brown 6 overs, 1 for 21
D Blake 5 overs, 1 for 26